Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Grind

So it's been awhile since I actually posted on this thing. Partially, this is because I'm a schoolteacher and well, that's a busy job, last I heard. Partially, this is because life has been somewhat-to-significantly uncomfortable.

Yes, I said that. Fellas reading this in advance, just accept it now - it's fairly likely, especially if you haven't been married for an extended period of time, that the first trimester of your first child will be the low point of your marriage up to that point. (The second one will be when she discovers your Asian pr0n collection you thought was properly hidden! HAR!)

I never understood the phrase "When Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" until recently. While I still find it mildly offensive and overly glorifying, at least for situations when someone is just being cranky to exert power, there's some truth to it here. Amy's not happy. She doesn't want to do lots of the things that made us both smile. No Rock Band. No Diablo. No...uh...well, you get the gist. We still talk, but the talks aren't soul-sharing. They're damage-control. Keeping us from killing each other while we weather this storm, because I've had to bite my tongue REALLY hard a few times, and I imagine being married to a snarky, sarcastic, arrogant bastard like me means she's probably got a permanent dental impression on her tongue, too.  I don't blame her for that, and it's entirely expected, but it still means that most (scratch that, ALL) of the things we did that bonded us together aren't being done. All the things we did to dissolve stress between us aren't being done. And even in a frighteningly sweet and idyllic marriage - which is what I would term mine, prior to this point - after three months, a toll begins to take effect. (I sometimes wonder if the rumored...uh... "zest"... in the second trimester is nature's way of trying to balance out the damage it does to the mated pair, as it were.)

The point of the above info isn't to scare you off the whole pregnant thing; I'm still game. It's to pass on this advice: it's okay to take a break. Amy's mom was here and the two of them went gallavanting off to Hell (a.k.a. Fredricksburg, Texas, but that rant is for another day) for the weekend, and I didn't miss a beat - there were four dudes playing video games, telling dirty jokes, eating pizza, and watching people beat the crap out of each other on TV all day Saturday. I felt better on Sunday morning that I'd felt in ages. Truth be told, I could use another two or three weekends like that - now that things have returned to "normal" (just Amy and I and .25 extra Fletchers) the toll I mentioned above is still very much there and still very much growing... but there's nothing wrong with seeking solace in yourself and your own luxuries during the first trimester. (Just make sure the lady is doing the same, 'cause it's a safe bet that she's hypersensitive to her own crankiness and probably has noticed the distance building between the two of you, too.)

Now in theory, all this distance will close and repair itself after the first trimester passes. I hope so. At the very least, I hope it closes after the kiddo's born. (Saw the second sonogram two days ago, by the by... very cool stuff. Lil' booger's in there wiggling around, flailin', kickin' and otherwise being a teeny tiny kid. I dunno about personality, but you can definitely see a person doing very-young-person-stuff in there. I haven't quite sorted what that experience is doing to my views on abortion yet.) Anyhow - I'm hoping that Amy will want to make up for lost family time in some form once all the dust settles from this, and I'm a little worried it won't happen because of the new booger in our lives at that point. I try not to think that far ahead, and I try not to wonder if I'm being selfish in hoping that there will still be an "us, you-and-me" after it's all said and done. 

But anyhow. I'm hoping this will be my last "wow, this shit REALLY sucks" type post. They say the misery of the first trimester starts bleeding off around 12 weeks, and we just passed that mark. I'm sure there will still be plenty of insanity in store, but I'm kind of hoping that in some form, I'll get my wife back.

If not.... I may have to start renting old UFCs and paying for plane tickets for Amy, and that'll get expensive.

MT out.

1 comment:

Amy said...

You are too funny with all of your thoughts. My husband I just went through all of that about a year ago. One time while I was PG I went off on my husband I grabbed a book I was reading "Belly Laughs" by: Jenny McCarthy.(if Amy does not have this book pick it up it pretty funny and to the point. My husband even read it at times) Okay back to my point there was a chapter in there when she totally went off on her husband well my buttons were pushed that day and I let my husband have it i made him stand there while I read the whole chapter to him. He just stood there looking at me and wondering what happen to his wife. We all have those days and really do not know why being PG can do that to you. It can change but then other things happen. Hang in there!